Forgive me my dear

Its day 3 of my grandma funeral. I didnt stay over last night as i went back home to sleep in Bishan. I was just too tired and shagged, crashed onto my bed after a shower and slept with my lights on till dawn. I woked up to a sms by Min, telling me to wake up or i will be late >.< guess what, it was too late. I went down to my grandma's place later that morning and spend the rest of the day there. Well, it was really boring but i survived! thanks u my dear. Later tonight u came to visit me, even though it was an hour dinner, or maybe shorter. I'm sorry that i have to disappoint u again tonight when my mom wants me to stay over. I truly miss u my dear and i wish to spend more time with u, especially before your stressful A. The lost of my Grandma came as sudden to me. I am grateful that u came down last night and spend hours there with me, folding and talking to me. I bear all these things in mind baby. Everything u do means so much to me and there is only one way to recipocate these love u have for me, is to love u back even more. I want to be by your side whenever i can and take care of u. I do hear you my dear. Just that my actions are always not identical to what i say. I hate this

Not leaving without you

You mean so much to me baby, u really do. I want you to be happy no matter what. But somehow i feel that i can't :( dont keep thing to yourself? It hurts me to see u all quiet. I feel lost when u are quiet. I'm just not used to it. You are always cheerful and bubbly, someone whom never say die. I need you to talk to me kay. Really. I wanna be your listening ears. U know how terrible i feel when u are all quiet. It affects me too. I love u baby, i really do! thats why i can't just sit back and pretend nothing happened. Its just not me.

Life's Ups and Downs

Humans are pretty vulnerable. From the birth of a newborn to the dying bed of a lonely old man, life's two extreme ends brings us either joy or sadness. We are blessed with the ability to think with our heart, to let our emotions run wild, making us so unique and superior.Well, no one is spared from death, including my beloved grandma.

Ever since i could recall, my grandma was always there for me. From a young and playful boy who spends his entire childhood with her. I could still vividly remember those carefree days where lunch was prepared by her. She thought me how to speak dialect something that i am really proud of. She walked me to school, fetched me from school every single day. I wish she was as healthy and fit as she was then, but the ageing process is merciless. Now, shes in hospital and her consider is not good. She's down with a recent heart attack which made her even weaker. Seeing up suffering makes me feel terrible. Dont ever give up ah ma, i need u.

Its my Mom's birthday today and she has not even cut her cake. I'm not a believer of god, but i do hope that u will make our wish come true. See ah ma through her last days and make it a happy one. Thats all i ask for.

Oh man! my dead really hurts man :/ but.... :D its okay!
Well, i couldn't help but to wonder what made me who i am today?
Can it be my surrounding? My parents? MY friends? or just a rebelious kid
in me that is dying to break free. Sometimes i feel that im too soft to my friends and harsh to my parents and close ones :/ what's wrong with me! why am i like dat?! OH BOY!!! ANGER MANAGEMENT REQUIRED FOR ME!!!! could anyone enlighten me? >.<

oh well! results of promos are almost out... Indicators of me making it to year 2 seems weak.Is JC really my cup of tea? sometimes i ask myself if i did the right thing to do the A lvls. Knowing that im a person who takes the shortest path at times, could this be one of them? i know its best for me to settle it in 2 years, just mug and pull thru, but isit really the best for me? The results are fixed and its only the matter of time when the reality sinks in. Make it up to year 2 , retain in year 1 , or just go poly. We will see kay :) we will see. Miss Goh said this to my class before: If life is full of uncertainties and unhappiness, but if one things for sure, the sun will always rise. A start of a brand new day that is full of possibilities.

God SAVE me! :( promo is in days and im gonna freak out! everything i have learnt will be tested.

I dont feel prepared at all somehow! :( oh gosh.... tough times i suppose... BUT..... I found you just slightly more than 3months ago.... and it just seem to be working out really well! :D

Baby! :D i know this is kinda late but i just wanna tell u how much u changed me in 3 months! U are like a magician that make the slightest unhappiness in me disappear! I can't never get angry with u silly! U are just that amazing! Tell me why are u so AWESOME arh! :P and u are hidding all these while! so unfair! :( oh boy! i have u now! im not going to let u go! what are u gonna do abt that uh?! :D TEEHEE! u know what? i look forward each day to see u in school and just talk to you. U make me feel really calm and happy. Something that i yearned for in a really long while. With u i can ask no more, because u are everything! :) im not flattering u in anyway, but all u did for me is already enough! Save some for yourself! ><>

Time waits for no man

Life an irony! When you lose something, you will start appreciating the importance of it. Does this mean that humans can only learn by the hard way? Well, I would like to thank someone who has been by my side for the past months.

CHARIS LIEW

no words can do justice of what i am about to tell u.

U are a excellent girl who is just like a gold nugget waiting to be polished and refine.

When i first met u, your cheerful and flamboyant personality attracted me. I truly enjoyed the time we had together and u are my motivation. We eventually got together and i will never forget that day. The day which made me feel like a kid surrounded by toys in TOYS 'R' US .

We had many heated arguments in this short 2.5months together but i have never felt that u are not worth it. In fact i see a girl is extraordinary. Words can really hurt at times but i never once give up on you.

We fight, We played, We laughed. All the beautiful memories we shared together will always be in my mind. I'm a changed man because of you. I truly thank you.

And you know what :) i don't wan to lose a friend like u! So make me a promise that u wont abandon me too would you?

I cant write for nuts... so pardon me for my lousy sentence structures. But u know where i'm coming from. People who knows me would be aware that i have a heart which is pretty cold by nature. It takes more than just company and presence to warm it up. It takes time and patience. There will be something which is worth fighting for in life. Seize the opportunity if your think its truly worth it and don't end your short life on earth with a basketful of regrets on your deathbed.

i tried, i really did

Give it your best shot! Thats what everyone will to you when u are in a tense and tied up situation. When u give in your best and you still don't meet their expectation, how would u feel?

Times can be rough and rocky but with your close friends things might change. I have my archery team, charis, schoolmates to accompany me but why am i still so lonely?

I remembered the first time i met Charis. Its kinda coincidental but things went on well. Call it fate, we hit off really well and till date i never once regretted meeting her. I really loved her company, laughter, humour and everything about her. After going steady with her for 2 months, i feel that i learnt more about myself. However, why am i always fighting with her? Its not what i want okay? Clash of conflicts happened too frequently and i'm not proud about it. I can give in to her and everything, but it seem like its not working at all. I hate myself at times. i really do. Am i not doing enough? Am i doing it all wrong? I hope not. Yes i can be jealous about stuff. I really hope that things will change.